Finally Finding My Style in My Mid Thirties

 

Fashion has always been a bit of a strange topic for me. I've always wanted to look good, I just didn't really know how to. Which is funny right? Because I would observe other people in the world and on Pinterest and Instagram and I think to myself "I really like my taste, I think I have good taste, I know when something looks good on other people, so why can't I transfer that skill to myself?"

I would go out into the world and feel as if what I was wearing looked pretty alright for the occasion I was in (unless it was a time in my life when I was depressed and then I truly didn't care what I looked like), and then I would later see a photo of myself either on stage or with acquaintances and be like "That's what I looked like? What?". 

The colours were usually wrong for me and my skin tone, I couldn't figure out if I was warm or cool toned, some areas of my body looked better with silver and some with gold, my veins were green and blue on my skin, my hair looked black in some photos and brown or even reddish in others, sometimes my eyes looked brown, hazel or even green. I took colour theory in college but I certainly wasn't a colour specialist and I didn't know you could get colour consultations for fashion in Halifax until recently. (And if you're new to colour theory in fashion, what I just said means completely contradictory things. Some of these details mean I look best in cool jewel tones and horrible in everything else, and some of these details mean I look best in warm earth tones and horrible in everything else. So unless I got very particular about what my personal best colours are I would sort of look horrible in everything unless I got lucky. I didn't fit in a colour theory box, I was a smidge unique and probably very easy to style once you knew what the heck was going on but I sure couldn't figure it out at the time).

When I was young and thin with gorgeous long hair and baby-lights I feel like it didn't matter what I wore I looked good. I hate that I just said that because in this day and age thank the metaphorical Gods we're body positive/neutral now because what in the actual heck was the beauty industry grooming of our teen years? But after walking away from my small town life and trying to figure out who I am without all of the ab*se, I didn't want to look anything like how I did before, and I truly didn't know what that meant for me style wise, and I was in survival mode for so long it was really hard to deliberately try and figure it out so I kind of just always looked not quite right (in my personal opinion). 

When I moved to the city I was recovering from the first twenty five years of my life, and I didn't know who I was anymore. I had some identity as a vocalist in bands for blues rooted classic rock and roll, doom metal and folk, and a suppressed identity as a homesteader that I loved with my whole soul but was fairly closeted about, and nothing else made sense. 

I was attracted to so many different styles I didn't understand which style I should pick to best suit who I was becoming, here's a list of all the styles I was drawn to at the top of my head:

• alt
• goth
• cottagecore
• dark academia 
• whimsygoth
• southern gothic
• classic
• boho
• minimalist
• maximalist
• clean girl
• vampy
• romantic
• country
• metal
• punk
• earthy
• medieval
• peasant
• ultra-modern
• appalachian folk
• vintage
• 70's rock and roll
• artsy
• celtic

See what I'm getting at here? What do you mean I was supposed to pick just one and stick to it as an identity?

I also really liked graphic tees for a season, which tend to have a lot of bright pops of colour which I don't like at all in hindsight, I think I just wanted to find a way to show people what I liked and find some type of community through shared interests, but these shirts never looked right on me as a person (being someone who looks best in medium to low contrast, and graphic tees typically being high contrast wear). 

When I first moved to the city I liked really flashy things, I thought flashy was most appropriate for being on stage and establishing myself as a "Haligonian" amidst a group of people with very clearly defined identities and friend groups with shared identities. Then a few years after the lockdowns, and after two seasons of actual burn out from running a freelance service during these troubled times (after twenty five years of personal insanity created by people I had in my life but no longer do) I started to feel like all I wanted was to be soft and comfortable, even on stage. Most of my clothing felt restrictive and performative and I just wanted to be soft. Soft didn't make sense on stage in the way I started wearing it. It often looked frumpy, but frumpy was how I was feeling. 

Once my decade of self directed somatic therapy started to compound and really make a difference in how I was experiencing life, I finally got some breathing room to take a good look at what wasn't working for me in a plethora of areas of life including personal style. I ended up spending a whole year and a half focusing on my home and fashion style in my free time and really trying to figure out what it actually is. 

I noticed I only ever liked the photos of myself when I was wearing black or brown, when my makeup was minimal, when I was wearing silver or white gold (champagne gold is probably actually best for me but I think it's hard to find). I really started to study myself and my colours and my shape and size. I assessed my lifestyle and whether or not the clothing I owned was appropriate to what activities I actually did in my life. I asked myself how much effort I actually enjoy putting into my appearance. I assessed how I felt energetically when I wore certain things, how it felt on my body and how I carried myself when I wore it. I watched other people with defined styles and instead of asking myself "do I like the way this looks?' I started asking myself "does the way this looks work for who I am?". 

I also tried something I've never tried before:

I closed my eyes before bed one night and conjured up images of what I would like to wear if I never had inspiration from anything. What would I wear if I had to come up with the idea for it myself? I was surprised at what I started to create in my mind. It was all black, artsy, soft, earthy, flowy, pops of brown, comfortable. I wasn't in the high heels and push up bras I thought I should be in as a woman. I wasn't in the graphic tees I thought I should be in as a musician. 

What was really surprising was when I really looked at it, what I conjured up in my mind ended up being subtly influenced by the entire huge list I shared above, but all tailored around this all black with a pop of brown and comfortable cottagecore concept.

It turns out the details I like are:

• all black
• pops of brown, brown animal print, black or brown gingham and florals
• maxi or midi cottagecore dresses and skirts, never mini
• maxi or midi medieval dresses and skirts, never mini
• medieval or vampy shirts
• comfortable, classic or cottagecore cardigans
• ponchos, both wool and thin fabric
• lace, satin, cotton and linen
• black jeans or casual trousers
• low heeled or flat shoes and booties
• basic combat boots
• all black or all brown sneakers, flats and sandals
• mostly modest with occasional hints of showing skin
• a combination of soft cottons and casually classic dressy, nothing too formal
• soft collars or none at all
• subtle corsets, especially layered over a top
• romantic tops (which I really want more of because my supply is currently limited)
• layers, baggy things mixed with tight things (but never tight dresses or skirts, only flowy), baggy things mixed with baggy things
• practical and functional but soft

And there you have it: my personal style. I hope reading this helps you on your journey to find yours too if you're half as lost as I was a few years ago.

Natasha MacIsaac