We've Come to a Really Important Decision

 

I've gone back and forth my entire life about whether or not I want children. For the most part I've always pictured myself as a mother, and would regularly be thinking about all of the ideal ways I would want to go about parenting in different situations, all the ways I think it "should" be done and braced myself for all of the slack I would catch socially for deciding to be an exceptionally crunchy mama. 

No sugar, very little screens, elimination communication and cloth diapers only, whole foods, baby led weaning, safe co-sleeping, gentle parenting, absolutely no cry-it-out, no crib, toddler floor bed, room sharing until they're four, emotional coaching, minimal vaccines, homeschooling in combination with public schooling in a rural area, life skills and gardening prioritized over book smarts, encouraging entrepreneurial pursuits over secondary education, nervous system focus, life experiences over items for gifts, no plastics, natural fibers, no young exposure to adults drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes, lots of nature exploration. 

I could go on but I think you get the point: I've pretty much thought about it all and all my reasons "why".

But even after all of these years of thought we've landed on the decision that's right for us, and that means we're not actually having children. 

I almost can't believe I've written these words, but it's true. 

I'm just going to lay it all here on the table for you and you'll see exactly why this is the correct decision for us regardless of how beautiful the rest seems at face value: 

• Truthfully I don't really like kids. I don't wish them harm or anything (in fact the exact opposite, especially after my upbringing I happen to believe children should be treated with the utmost respect and care, I just don't really want to be the one having to do it). The idea of having to go to or host a child's birthday party where there's a hundred screaming kids running around sounds like a personal type of hell. 
  
  
• I like my peace and quiet a little too much, I mean to the point where I would actually expect any child we have to use their indoor voices literally at all times and that is so unrealistic. 
  
  
• I'm a full blown germaphobe and the amount kids get sick in general let alone with any severity or in the particular way I happen to be terrified of would pretty much put me into a coma,  seriously, whenever I'm in public and a child comes anywhere near me I immediately think "petri dish" and not only stand far away but I also hold my breath as I walk by. Every. Single. Time. And I get it, they're building little immune systems and it's very important work, I just don't exactly want to be around the process myself. 
  
  
• I'm exhausted now and the only poop I clean up on a daily basis is the cat's, one time in the mornings. She's also a handful enough on her own I can't even imagine adding more chaos. 
  
  
• Whenever I daydream about our homestead, the fantasy never involves children it actually tends to revolve around serenity and freedom and quiet; the routine is full already without adding everything that is involved with raising a child. 
  
  
• I actually did raise a child once. Sort of. I co-parented a baby part-time for a year with a friend when I was nineteen who was in a tricky situation. I actually loved it, and grew really emotionally attached to her daughter so I kind of actually do know what I'm missing out on. 
  
  
• I have zero relationship with my family, and I have little in common with Jon's family so I can already assume our support network would be minimal at best, and until society gets on board with bringing back the village I just don't see it working for us. (Don't get me wrong, Jon's family is incredible... I just can't see them being into cloth diapering and zero processed foods and attached style parenting without at least a small eye roll). 
  
  
• As it is now, I get maybe two hours at the end of every day where I get to relax and play video games or watch a show, and if we brought a child into our lives this would quickly turn into zero. 
  
  
• Financially it literally just doesn't make sense for us.
  
  
• Back to the germaphobe thing: I don't trust other parents not to lie straight to my face about illness. 
  
  
• Jon goes away regularly for music and I would never dream of asking him not to, and I can't solo-parent during those times knowing full well what that could potentially psychologically and emotionally do to a child. Jon also has his reasons, but his reasons are his and I couldn't in good conscience share them on my blog.  
  
  
• I still want to be a musician, and when I think about being on my death bed looking back I have significantly more regret about the idea of not learning how to play the electric guitar properly than I do not having had children. 

I have collected so many things over the years for the day when I eventually had a baby, and as of today I've decided I'm actually giving it all away. I have two girlfriends who are seriously entertaining the idea of having children somewhat soon and so if they'll have it: I've got tones of stuff for them they wont have to buy.

I guess in a way that makes me a bit of a village for them.  

Natasha MacIsaac